A Hole in My Left Shoe

You could never request to be born in what kind of expectations. Therefore, I believe people were born unique. Some were born in privileged families, with excellent gifts, and so forth. Some were not fortunate enough to get those things. That part is what I’ve been wondering until my twenties. Why can people be so fortunate with all the mesmerizing experiences, on the other hand there are people who strive for everything and in some cases even until the end of their life.

I was writing this not because I wasn’t grateful for the life that I have. I was unemployed at that time, doing my part-time job and being underpaid. That night, I couldn’t sleep. My mind went wild asking things I couldn’t answer myself. Uh, nor anyone could supposedly. In my place, I lived by myself. I rent a room which is not more than 6 meters square. This was the place where I wrote my dreams, set my goals very high, and any other things which can be concluded as expectation.

I was 22 and still nobody. That was a very negative thought of mine. I remembered when I was a kid, I thought being smart, having good grades in school, and never causing trouble would someday help me to be someone that could help my family. My family wasn’t wealthy. Even education was something glamorous for us. I remembered I and my sister would walk back and forth to get to school everyday from our first grade until we got our own bicycles.

One day, my bicycle broke and my sister was about to do her school project in her classmate’s house. I walked home by myself and I noticed there was a huge hole in my left shoe. I actually realized it a few days ago and told my parents about my shoes earlier but they could not afford to buy a new pair of shoes. It wasn’t as big as now so at that time I thought I could manage it. When I was walking on the street, people looked at me in weird stares. A small girl walked with the hole in her shoe wearing school uniform. I tried not to look back at them. I was ashamed I didn’t know why I was still a kid.

Until my aunt came across me on the street. I passed over her house on my way home. She then asked me about my shoes and rode me to a shoe store. She gave me a ride home after getting me a new pair of shoes. When she left, I asked my mom how we could pay her back. Yes, that thing came up in my mind because my parents always taught us, their children, not to ask for help if we still could manage it and we always owe someone if they gave us a hand. That made me worried at times, how could I pay her back? It was stupid. But, I wished her good things in her life.

But, right now my point is, how could someone in their childhood who is ridiculously unfortunate, growing up never causing trouble, always being too hard on herself, still not fortunate enough to have a stable life? At least, can she be someone who is a little useful for the family?

P.S. I decided to post this writing a year later

Unlisted

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Most favorite vibe: petrichor with the noise of foot steeps on the street.

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Mandy West

Mandy West

Most favorite vibe: petrichor with the noise of foot steeps on the street.